I’m Not Dead Yet (I.N.D.Y.)

As I have said in the past, one of the downsides of getting better is feeling as if you can do more than you actually CAN do.  Regardless of what I do, it seems I have a limit of about 2 hours of being out and about before my tummy begins to get sore and I need to get back home and rest.

As much as I am looking forward to going back to Baltimore to finish up with Dr. Cameron, there’s a part of me that is dreading the actually trip back home.  I am not allowed to lift anything greater than 10 lbs.  unfortunately, I think ALL of our luggage weighs more than 10 lbs.  Thus, I will not be ANY use in carrying things through the airport (though, I plan to ask Dr. Cameron if it’d be okay to hold onto the rolling suitcase — as long as I don’t try to lift it).

I have been very lucky to have received cards almost everyday I’ve been in NJ.  For that, I want to thank you all.  A very special thank you, however, is due to my friend Jerry.  Jerry is a very talented graphic artist who took the time to design and send to me a personalized get well card.  Click on the picture on the right side to see an enlarged view of the inside of the card.

Cheers,

Merle

Tags: Family, Main by Merle
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I am sad to write that Dr. Randy Pausch passed away today (July 25, 2008) due to complications to his pancreas cancer. As many of you know, Dr. Pausch’s battle with cancer has been a source of inspiration to me. I wish I had had the opportunity to meet or talk with Dr. Pausch; to have experienced first hand his zeal life.

Dr. Pausch, in many ways, beat the odds of this pernicious form of cancer. Most people diagnosed with pancreas cancer are not eligible for surgery; Dr. Pausch was able to get the Whipple procedure (something only 20% of patients with pancreas cancer are able to do). Unfortunately, they found out later that the cancer had metastisized. He continued to fight the disease, seeking out various chemo and radiation therapies (some of which were particularly toxic). In August of 2007, Dr. Pausch was given 3-6 months of “good health” left. In September, 2007, Dr. Pausch delivered his “Last Lecture.” In the end, Dr. Pausch defied the doctor’s predictions living almost 11 months.

I have already been contacted by friends who were concerned that I would be terribly upset by this news. While I am saddened by Dr. Pausch’s passing, it was not unexpected. I had chatted with friends who had noticed, as had I, that Dr. Pausch had not updated his blog in almost a month. I had, in fact, searched for news of his passing just last week.

I was reminded today of two very important facts: (a) The ending to Dr. Pausch’s battle is NOT (necessarily) predictive of my outcome; and (b) The odds of me beating this disease remain ‘0′ or ‘1′.

I can only hope that whatever news I get next Monday, I can live my life as fully as Dr. Pausch did these past 2 years. He did not hide from his illness, but used as a motivation to embrace his life and squeeze out every last moment of the time he had left. Rest in peace, Dr. Pausch.

Merle

Tags: Family, Main, Miscellaneous, Theology/Philosophy by Merle
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Today was a busy run around town kinda day. It started with my younger son making omlettes for his uncle, himself, and me at 9a. Actually, it started 2.5 hours earlier when I could not sleep any more — kinda sucks when your body is so used to getting up at 6:30a that even on the weekends it ‘wakes up’ at 6:30a and going back to sleep just doesn’t work (actually, 6:30a is sleeping in for me; before I started in treatment, I would get up at 5:30a so I could work out at least 3 days a week — unfortunately, when I’m ‘plugged in’ it’s best if I don’t sweat and get my bandages all wet, so I really have to limit my exercising).

This week is scout summer camp for my boys’ troop at Camp Rainey Mountain. My younger son’s best friend is also in the same troop and his father and my very good friend, Luis, and I drove my sons, his son, and one other boy from the troop up to Rainey Mountain today. It’s only about 2 hours, but that means 4+ hours in the car today. I have said it before and I’ll continue to say it: I am very lucky to have Luis as my friend; he showed me how much fun scouting can be and has become invaluable in my life. Thus, a large portion of my day today was spent driving. <sigh>

But above all, today, in particular and this weekend, in general, was great because my brother, Sid, and his son have been visiting. In fact, they were supposed to leave earlier this morning, but late last night my brother decided to spend another day here. I love my job at the CDC, but I have to say that the challenge is being so far away from my family / siblings. I love all of my sibs, but I seem to have a stronger bond with Sid, due in part to the fact that we have the same kind of warped sense of humor.

It has been great having Sid here. He was invaluable in completing the swing set (I’ll have pictures in the next day or so). More than that, though, it has been really helpful just having him here. We have always had a healthy sibling…rivalry is not quite the right word, but we have had a fair share of competition. I have always wanted to be like my big brother Sid. When he had an afro, I grew and afro (somewhere there is a picture, but I was unable to find it for this posting; I’m sure if it becomes available, I’ll rush to post it: it was a high point in my fashion evolution). He was a drummer in high school, so I became a drummer in high school.

I have always looked up to my big brother (even when I got taller than him). I look at his life and only see him as someone who is successful in his business (he’s a high muckity-muck in charge of, among other things, E-commerce for Children’s Place department stores). He lives in a beautiful house with three great kids and a loving wife. I wish I was more like him. I don’t know if Sid will ever appreciate how much he has meant to me over the years and how much his love and support has meant to me more recently, but I think he wouldn’t change even if he DID know. Thank you, Sid, for your love, your friendship, your help!

Until tomorrow…

Merle

Tags: Family, Merle by Merle
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Lynn, my step-sister who lives in Israel, left a comment that made me think a bit. Lynn expressed her surprise at the different facets of my ‘Merle-ness’ of which she was previously unaware. As I try to do as often as possible, I responded to her via Email, but as I was writing the response, I thought of a topic about which to blog.

In my Email, I said to Lynn that when I ponder the existence of a higher power, the analytical side of me asks: “Where’s the evidence? Show me the data!” Further, I said to Lynn (as I have to other people) that such a response is in direct opposition to the concept of faith. But as I wrote the Email, I remembered one of my favorite stories (which goes in the face of my analytical side) and I would like to share it with you:

A minister was living in a St. Louis suburb that had recently been inundated with a lot of rain. In fact, his town was flooded. At first, the water was only to his waist and a person came by in a boat. The person called out to the minister, “Preacher! Jump into the boat and I will take you to safety!” The minister smiled and shook his head saying, “Thank you my son, but I have faith in the Lord. He will save me. Go help someone else.” Not wanting to argue with the minister, the man moves on.

And the water rises…

The water rose so much that the minister had to climb on top of his house to avoid it. Another man comes by in another boat and says, “Preacher, climb into the boat and I will carry you to safety.” The minister again shook his head and says, “I have faith in the Lord. My God will save me! You go help others!” The man shook his head, but relented to the minister’s request.

And the water rises…

Eventually the minister has to stand on his tippy toes in order to continue breathing and a helicopter with a ladder dangling from it comes to his rescue. Over the PA system, the pilot called to the minister, “Grab onto the ladder and I will fly you to safety!” The minister shouted back, “My God will save me. Help those who are in greater need!” As he was running low on fuel, the pilot decided not to argue with the minister and goes onto the next house.

And the water rises…and the minister drowns.

The minister gets to Heaven and goes before God and says, “Holy Father! I have been your faithful servant for more than 20 years. Why, in my time of need, did you not help me?”

God looked at the minister and said, “I sent 2 boats and a helicopter! What more did you want??”

I love that story. It still makes me chuckle even after telling it so many times. It also helps me to remember that, for me, the divine is not necessarily some entity sitting in judgment and/or taking a personal interest in me and my life. Instead, the divine is all around me — I just have to stop and look at it. I truly believe we can find the divine in nature; in the beauty of clear, sunny day; in the love of a child or a friend or a sibling or a spouse. Today, I “worshipped” the divine as I worked in my back yard with my brother, Sid, and my very good friend, Luis. I basked in the divine as we all, Luis’s family and my own, sat around a dinner table and enjoyed each others company. I saw the divine in my daughter’s eyes when she saw the swing set my brother and I completed today (and when I said that she could have a brownie for dessert)! Sometimes, even us analytical folk need to stop and appreciate the beauty and the divine that we see everyday.

I hope that you had the opportunity to experience the divine today, as well!

Enlightenedly yours,

Merle

Tags: Family, Merle, Theology/Philosophy by Merle
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