Sureal
So I had my latest trip to the hospital on Tuesday; Dr. Kauh was sending me to make sure I got some fluids into me to avoid my getting dehydrated. In general, I am feeling better and better every day. The nausea I had been experiencing has reduced quite a bit (of course, the reduction in nausea might have to do with all the anti-nausea meds I am taking: I have a scopolamine patch, I take Zofran, Reglan, and Ativan; all of which help with nausea).
The surreal aspect of all this is my weight. For the 3rd week in a row, my weight was around 175lbs. I haven’t been 175 since middle school. On Tuesday, I had to fill out some paperwork for my MRI scan and it just felt weird writing that my weight was 175.
In addition to the overall weirdness of acknowledging being a weight I haven’t been at for over 30+ years, I am also struggling with the lack of overall strength deficits I am experiencing. People likely don’t notice how thin I really am, because of all the layers of clothing I wear. But, at night, when I get out of the shower and look at myself in the mirror, I notice how small my arms and legs have become and the extent to which I have bones around my shoulder and neck are so well defined in the mirror.
I have to say that I am really enjoying the chemo holiday I have been taking and, truth be told, I am loathe to go back onto chemo this week. My quality of life has improved tremendously over the past 30 days and I just cannot bring myself to want to go back to a situation in which I am vomiting 2-3 times a day. I would rather not take chemo (and deal with the potential consequences not doing so might have on my survival) than begin taking chemo again and being miserably sick during that time.
I am refraining from making any final decisions until I meet with the doc on Tuesday to go over my latest labs and the scans from last week.
At any rate, that’s what’s happening on my end. As always, I appreciate all the support I have received through this blog and in “real” life. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate those people who come up to me and ask how I am doing today.
More later!
Merle
We’ll be thinking about you this week. Marybeth lit a candle today saying that you had a doctor’s appt. on Tues. Know that we’ll be sending positive energy your way that day.
Oh what the heck, we’ll start sending it today and just keep sending it until you tell us to stop.