Waxing Philosophic
This week, MaryBeth and I had a therapy appointment at which I finally came to grips with the fact that right now, the treatments I’ve been undergoing are palliative. That means that the chemo and radiation are designed to slow the growth of the new tumor, not cure me. The problem is my quality of life has been in the toilet since I started the new chemo. Beyond the nausea and vomiting from the chemo, I am still experiencing nausea and vomiting from the radiation. (I have gotten sick everyday for the last several days). When I’m not getting sick, it seems I am always tired. Like I said, not much of a quality of life.
This week, I’m supposed to start another course of chemo, but I think we’re going to talk with Dr. Kauh about deciding when enough is enough. At what point do the side effects of the treatment for an illness are more noxioius than the underlying condition. I don’t know what the answer is going to be, but I’m at least asking the questions.
Merle
thinking of you. no matter what you decide, it is the right decision for you and the rest will fall in line.
Dear Merle,
Always the philosopher!! My love goes with you, on this Valentine’s Day, as you continue down this road. xo me
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, Merle. I hope the path ahead is better than the one behind.
I don’t know if you knew or remember Professor Hadas, but he made the choice with colon cancer not to do chemo. He wanted his remaining time healthy enough to spend in the classroom. He lasted much longer than anyone predicted. We had a big “Pre-Memorial” for him. It was a lovely celebration of an amazing life. It’s not an easy choice, but I’m sure you’ll make the right one for you and your family. My thoughts are with you.
Bill and I are holding you and your family in our hearts as you walk this path. Our thoughts are with you.
I remember when you were pledging the fraternity. Always with a hearty handshake and the emphatic statement, “Hi, I’m Merle Hamburger.”
I remember when we used to hang together in the Rat. Didn’t you drink beer during Tang?
I remember when we used to lift weights in the sports complex. I remember your peach fuzz beard.
I write to you to put a smile on your face because your not dead yet.
Mikey.
Mike’s comments made me smile as well. Yes, you were such a presence on campus. So many fond memories from WashU and you a part of so many!
I hate that you and Mary Beth are having to make these decisions. I wish the treatments weren’t making you so ill. I’m sure it must be difficult for you to decide whether to keep fighting or keep living. Please know I’m thinking of you and hoping that everyone around you can be at peace with whatever you decide.