Renewal of feelings
When I was first diagnosed with pancreas cancer, I admit I spent an inordinate amount of time wondering “what if” the tumor is inoperable or the surgery was unsuccessful? What if I were to have metastases? Given my current condition / situation, I have to admit that I have gone back to thinking about the what if’s. In fact, the other day I broke down crying because I am not ready to die. I have no reason to believe that my disease has progressed, but the recent changes in my behavior and symptoms, certainly give rise to the thought that something might have come back.
I know that we will all die at some point, but I am not ready to do so in the next 3-6 (or however long) months. As always, I am sure I will feel better after meeting with Dr. Kauh to get the results of my testings. I may also search out a 2nd opinion, too.
My friends Roger and Jeanne Magowitz have a good connection with Dr. Von Hoff, how is the primary doctor / scientist for TGen (an organization that has a very developed program of studying pancreatic cancer). I may go visit with Dr. Von Hoff to get a 2nd opinion (or just another set of eyes on my scans) to make sure there is nothing being missed. Who knows, what the future holds, but I’m doing my best.
Thank you to everyone who has pulled together to help keep my family fed during my time in the hospital (and afterward). You all are the greatest.
Merle
Please post what the scans say — I have been following and paying for you for months. I always wonder when you don’t update in awhile if something is wrong. A lot of people care who don’t necessarily comment or email.
Hi Merle,
I am just now getting caught up on all that has been happening with you. I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. Sending you a big hug and lots of love and strength today and everyday…joann
Hi Merle- Hang in there! Sending positive thoughts and strength your way.
Merle, What did the doctor say on Tuesday, and where is Dr. Von Hoff and are you going to see him? I’ve wanted to call but also wanted to respect your privacy. You do tend to be pretty public, and since you aren’t at this instant I wasn’t sure how to read that. Just know that it doesn’t mean that we don’t care, because of course we do. Talk to us when you’re ready.
Hi Merle,
I just spoke with Lynn and want to tell you that my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Don ‘t give up the fight or ever forget that you are worth fighting for.