I’m Not Dead Yet (I.N.D.Y.)

This weekend is likely to be quite difficult.  The family and I are in Sarasota to participate in a ceremony to “unveil” the headstone (or matzevah, which means ‘monument’) on my father’s grave.  Given my father’s service in the Korean War, it seems particularly poignant to have the ceremony this weekend. 

As I mentioned, today is my younger son’s birthday.  Although I said earlier that it is good that we will be able to celebrate this happy occassion as a counter to the challenges of acknowledging my father’s passing, I am feeling somewhat ambivalent about the celebration today.  I just hope my son does not feel as if his birthday is a side note to events of this weekend; it is not.  We have taken steps to make sure we do fun things today so that he can feel celebrated.  Of course, we’ll still have a party in a couple of weeks, when we’re back home, so he can celebrate with his friends, but there is something special to celebrating one’s birthday on the actual day!

If you the time and energy, please feel free to send positive energy, prayers, thoughts, song, etc. to my step-mother, Arlene; to my siblings, Marjorie, Chip, Diney, and me; and to the rest of the family and friends, both here and not, who are remembering my father, Ed Hamburger.  Please send happy, celebratory thoughts to my youngest son, that he may enjoy his birthday and feel loved and so he will continue to grow into the exceptional young man he has become. 

Finally, please take time to remember and honor the men and women, from your own family and others, that have made the ultimate sacrifice in the service of the United States.

Thank you!

Merle

Tags: Family, Main by Merle
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I have a confession to make, this blog has never been for the readers.  It’s always been a way for me to express in writing things I have felt or experienced during my fight against pancreatic cancer.  I wrote a lot early on, but as I adapted (and, to a large extent, got used) to having cancer, the need to write diminished.  I think that is one reason why my posts over the last year have similarly diminished.  Having said that, as I was thinking about what to write, I wondered to myself if anyone is even reading this blog anymore (granted, my updates have been more sporadic, so I understand why people stopped reading, but…).  Nevertheless, the blog must go on! 

Now, before I get into my rambling post for the day, I want to thank everyone who has donated to my fund raising efforts for PanCan.  I set a modest goal (compared to 2008) and I am well on my way to eclipsing it in, essentially, under a week.  Thank you, SO MUCH!  I’m pleased to report that, with your help, I have been able to significantly contribute to helping Team Pausch reach its fundraising goals, which means a lot to me.  Again, thank you! 

If you haven’t already (and you are able), please consider making a donation.  Every little bit helps!

As I mentioned earlier this week, MaryBeth and I went out to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary last night (our actual anniversary is today)!  I really wanted to do something special, but it turns out, nothing really happens on Wednesday nights in Atlanta.  I looked for shows at the Fox Theater, at the Gwinnett Performing Arts Center (and arena); I looked for comedy shows at the Punchline and the Funny Farm; I even thought we’d go crazy and go see a <gasp> first run movie (but it turns out all the movies that we’re both interested in, like The Sorcerer’s Apprentice and The (new) Karate Kid, are coming out later in the summer).  So instead, we went to the dollar movie theater and watched Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief.  It was entertaining, but as my older son reported, the movie felt as if it was rushing and left a lot out, so MaryBeth and I will be reading the book(s) next.

After the movie, we went to dinner at Pappadeux’s, which is a lovely New Orleans themed restaurant with very yummy food (we’re actually planning on getting some of the food for TumorPalooza 2 from there).  Now, my point for recounting our evening last night was to say that during dinner I was struck by the fact that I am still alive; that despite all the odds, I’m still here.  When people bring that fact up, I usually tend to brush it off, but last night, it seemed more profound.  I usually focus on what will happen in the future; last night I was able to marvel at what I have accomplished, thus far. Pretty cool.

Again, thank you (those of you still around) for your continued support.

Merle

ps You know, I have been concerned that my weight has slowly been increasing over the last couple of years (not dramatically, but more than I would like).  I am happy to report, however, that I am not the biggest Hamburger out there. 

Tags: Bibbity Bobbity Boo, Family, Idolatry, Main, PanCan, Theology/Philosophy by Merle
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Okay, I admit it; I’m a slacker!  It’s been (ack) 20 days since I posted anything and I’m sure that has ruined the days of my 10s and 10s of fans! 

Rest assured that things have been busy over the last couple of weeks.  For Mother’s Day, we took the family back to the Renaissance Festival for the kids to enjoy (well, my daughter and younger son enjoyed it — got dressed up even;  my older son didn’t get dressed up, but did enjoy many of the shows we watched).  I’ll post some pictures shortly.

The following weekend, I was up at Camp Rainey Mountain for the 2nd week of Wood Badge.  The mountain lived up to its name, as we got 4-ish inches of rain in a couple of hours on Saturday.  I spent a lot of that time taking and sorting through pictures, as one of my jobs was to create an end of the course slideshow. There was stress involved, but the participants (and staff) appreciated my efforts.

Last weekend, was (gasp) largely unremarkable.  We took the kids to see Shrek Forever After on Saturday Morning.  You see, the Autism Society of America worked out an agreement with AMC movie theaters to provide a monthly “sensory friendly” movie.  Sensory friendly means that the movie volume is turned down; the lights are kept up; and, most importantly, there is not the need to worry if your child acts out during the movie (everyone there understands the situation).  For what it’s worth, the kids loved the movie and both MaryBeth and I thought it was good (worth getting when it comes out on DVD, even).

Things are going well with the Hamburgers.  I am pleased to say that MaryBeth and I will be celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary on Thursday (well, we’ll be celebrating on Wednesday, because that’s when we have the babysitter).  MaryBeth and I have had our ups and downs, but I think are relationship is stronger today than it has been in many years and I am looking forward to the next 20…40…whatever years with her in the future.

More soon.

Merle

Tags: Family, Main, On my honor, I will try by Merle
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As long time readers of this blog can attest, I have something of “man-crush” on Randy Pausch.  I do not know if I have ever told this story (can I blame my lack of memory on cancer-related dementia?  I didn’t think so!), but early in my battle with pancreatic cancer, my sister (Marjorie) and I were talking. 

Marjorie told me about this inspirational internet video she had seen of this college professor, who had been battling pancreatic cancer.  So I searched the Internet and found, watched, and was amazed by the Last Lecture Randy Pausch delivered in September, 2007.  After that, I found and read through his blog.  I felt a kinship with Randy, as we were both much younger than average when we were diagnosed, we were both scientists, we both had a wife with a relatively young family.  I remember writing an Email to him several times to let him know how much he had inspired me to get on with my life and try to do something to help support the fight against (and raise awareness of) pancreatic cancer. 

As I have mentioned previously, a reader of the blog (Jeanne) contacted me about a foundation her husband started to raise money for pancreatic cancer research in honor of his mother (The Seena Magowitz Foundation).  Through a series of steps, Jeanne mentioned me and my blog to Jai Pausch, Randy’s wife.  Jai and I have corresponded somewhat over the last couple of months and I have to admit that every time we do correspond, I get this feeling of, “How cool is it that I am talking with Randy’s wife?”  (If you’ve seen Julie and Julia, I sort of have that same sense of amazement that Julie Powell, the blogger in the movie, felt when she heard that Julia Childs had read her blog.)

So all of that is backstory for my news.  Next month, I will be traveling to Washington DC for the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network’s Advocacy Days.  In association with Advocacy Days, PanCan will be holding a Purple Stride Walk to raise funds to support pancreatic cancer research.  I had mentioned in an Email to Jai that I was planning to attend the Advocacy Days event and she invited me to join her on Team Pausch at the Purple Stride event.   As silly as it sounds, I feel honored to join the team and I will be looking to my family and friends to help me raise money this year.  I have a website dedicated for donations; please consider giving.   The Last Purple Stride event I participated in, I was able to raise $3,500.  I hope to raise as much, if not more.

Cheers,

Merle

Tags: Cancer News, Family, Idolatry, Main, PanCan by Merle
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Hello all, in “Merle-land.”   For several years, MB and I had a tradition of having someone watch the kids for an evening while we had dinner, had a couples massage at Spa Sydell, and then stayed at some hotel for the evening.  We typically did this around Valentine’s Day.  Well 2009 was a bit hectic, so we didn’t do it last year and we promised each other we’d get back to the tradition in 2010.  Unfortunately, scheduling didn’t work out in February, so we couldn’t do it for Valentine’s Day.  We re-scheduled with each other to do it for my birthday in March, but again something came up.  Well, this past weekend, in celebration of MaryBeth’s 14th anniversary of her 29th birthday, we resurrected the tradition (accidentally).

The plan was to have dinner and sleep in a hotel while our babysitter (a 20-something college student who has watched the kids for the past umpteen years) stayed with the kids.  MB then suggested that we spend the day Saturday at the Renassaince Festival (yes, we do get dressed up — as if you had any question!).  Okay, so the plan was dinner (R. Thomas Deluxe Grill, a really nice, down-to-earth place that provides meal options for both vegetarians and carnivores, alike), hotel, Ren Fest.  On the drive to the hotel from the restaurant , we noticed a Spa Sydell and, at the last second, we decided to see if they had an opening.  As fate would have it, they did; so MB and I had a couples massage (as a bonus).   We then spent the night in a nice hotel and had a great time at the Ren Fest.

What MB didn’t know, though, was that I had conspired with the kids and the sitter to get the house picked up and decorated so we could have a party when we got home.  My younger son made her cake (with fondant, but no pastiage this time).  One of her presents was a DVD of Avatar (which she had been asking me to get (“for my birthday”) all day.  After my daughter was in bed, we hooked the laptop up to the projector and to an external speaker and watched the movie as it was projected on our living room wall.  All in all, I think MB felt loved and celebrated. 

It was a good weekend. MB and I had some alone time.  We did stuff as a family.  And the level of stress (attributable mostly to the papers that MB and my younger son had to complete for this week) in the house was reduced.  It was a good weekend.

Merle

(look at that!  A whole post without mentioning my cancer!  DOH!  I just did…Damn!)

Tags: Family, Main by Merle
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