Tomorrow
Thank you. Thank you to all of you who continue to read this blog and continue to share with me words of support. Several people today wished me good luck for tomorrow out of the blue. I could only smile knowing that, for some reason, they continue to come to the blog and check up on me. I remain incredibly humbled by that fact; so thank you!
Tomorrow I visit with my oncologist to find out the results of my scans from last week. I have been fortunate that I have not been terribly stressed about that fact until today. As much as I try to convince myself that the scans will be yet again unchanged from last time, there is still the part of me that wonders if this is the time the shoe will drop. Everyone tells me I look great (if not a little heavier than I would prefer). I feel fine. But then I remember pancreatic cancer is called the silent killer because it is largely asymptomatic until it has advanced.
Some will say that the scan is only going to tell me what is already there. While in the past this has helped somewhat, this time around, not so much.
Long time readers of the blog will know that I have tried to think of ways I could make a difference in the fight against pancreatic cancer. In December I signed up to be a volunteer for the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network as a survivor support provider. Essentially, people who have been diagnosed with PC and their caregivers can contact the Patient and Liason Services (PALS) at PanCan and if they are interested, they can be given my number as someone who is a PC survivor. If they want, they can call me and we can talk about what they are going through and I can be another form of social support for them.
I remember how comforting it was when I first went to the PC support group meetings at Emory. Finally, I was able to talk to other people who have gone through (and survived) PC. They understood the idiosyncrasies of my cancer. This didn’t diminish the support folks who had experience with other types of cancer were able to provide me, but it was nice to talk with people with a similar frame of reference. I hope that, being a survivor volunteer, I will be able to provide that kind of support to others.
I have to say, though, of all the material that I was sent as an orientation to the program, the hardest material dealt with hospice care. In fact, I really only skimmed that material. I may have to deal with hospice at some point in the future (preferably years and years from now), but I’m not at a point today where I am comfortable thinking about that eventuality.
Plans are moving along for TumorPalooza 2 — the venue is booked. I’m working on some of the entertainment and thinking about the menu (last time we did crabs; this time we may do something similar). Whatever the details, I can assure you that TP 2 will be a hell of a party (and the beer WILL work this time around).
I will be sure to post the results of my doctor’s visit as soon as possible tomorrow. Be patient and thank you for your love and caring.
Merle
Good luck tomorrow!