I’m Not Dead Yet (I.N.D.Y.)

I realized the other day that, given my current motivation to blog and the extent to which life has “happened”, the best I can hope with regards to updating the blog is to do a monthly report (though, if my health situation changes, I will likely get more motivation to blog more frequently).

Just to get it out of the way, I am feeling fine.  I have gained more weight than I would prefer, but as I have said previously, losing weight could be an indication of the returning cancer.  I have rescheduled my scans for the end of December (more to get those costs in the 2009 tax year (the family and I met our catastrophic maximum in May, so the vast majority of our medical expenses have been covered 100%).  I won’t get the results of the scans until January, but I’ll get the big ticket item out of the way in December.

Thanksgiving this year was good.  I did not go up to NY to participate in the Macy Day Parade. I would have loved to do so, but our travel plans just wouldn’t allow it.  Instead, the family and I stayed home and enjoyed a relaxing weekend together.

Recently, I attended the monthly Pancreatic Cancer support group meeting.  I am not sure I need to go regularly in the future, but it was good to go and get some validation of the feelings that I continue to have about my condition.  While I do not have any symptoms right now, whenever anyone asks how I am doing, I tend to hedge my bets and claim that while I am feeling fine now, who knows how I will be feeling tomorrow.  A large reason I am no longer shooting weddings is that I do not feel comfortable agreeing months in advance to photograph a wedding when I do not know how I will be feeling.

As we begin the holiday season (tonight is the first night of Hanukkah), I reflect on how luck I am to have a loving wife, 3 healthy kids (even if one is having some challenges with this whole school work issue), and a roof over my head.  I recognize that there are others less fortunate than I (pancreas cancer not with standing).  I never thought I would be here.  I never thought I would live past the 1 year anniversary of my surgery and yet, here I am.

As we move into this holiday season, I hope everyone, regardless of your specific life stressors, can take the opportunity and appreciate the reality of the blessings that you have.  Whether it be health, family, a job, or some other blessing; regardless of your religious affiliation, I hope that you are able to stop and find some moment of enjoyment in your life during this busy time.  A very dear friend of mine found out this year that she had throat cancer.  She kvetched about how challenging her life was with all that was going on and I tried to help her see that what seems to be a stressor (visiting family over the holidays) can just as easily be seen as an opportunity to enjoy life, the universe, and everything.

I do not know what the scans later this month will bring.   I do know that I feel fine right now, and as such, right now I’m happy and enjoying my life and my family.  I hope you can say the same.

Thank you for sticking with me, even as I do not update this blog with nearly enough frequency.

Be well!

Love,

Merle

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