First off, I survived yet another round of chemo. Actually, my body seems to be handling the bi-weekly gencitabine fairly well. This week, I was suffering from the effects of a cold, yet I was still able to get the chemo. I was amazed, though, that I felt myself get nauseated just from being in Winship. Smells have an incredibly powerful impact on memory and all I can think of is that my nausea is simply a Pavlovian response to the smells of the cancer institute (I was nauseous even before they took my blood for labs).
I left the hospital on Tuesday thinking that I would very much like to be done with my treatments. I know it’s hard to imagine how someone would not look forward to having a needle inserted into their chest so that poison could be pumped in; just call me wacky.
Nevertheless, I am feeling generally okay today; though, I have continued to experience some moderate nausea and fatigue. Unfortunately, that makes staying up until midnight (and toasting in the New Year with bubbly) something of a challenge. Luckily, the Atlanta Hamburgers are having a relatively low key evening. My younger son and daughter are over at a friends house while MaryBeth plays on the Wii and my older son plays with a Nintendo DS (oh yeah, and I’m blogging). What can I say, we live la vida loca.
One cannot help being a little retrospective on the last day of the year. I would be lying if I did not say that 2008 was largely a sucky year. I started off the year with an ongoing bile duct blockage (requiring ERCP procedures every two months) and ended the year with cancer (requiring chemo every two weeks). Hmmm…not a banner year for me. On the other hand, I did find out that there is, truly, an incredibly large, supportive group of people — family, friends, people from work, church, and karate — that seemingly came out of the woodwork to help my family in our time(s) of need.
I still cannot bring myself, as some have, to think of my cancer as a blessing (despite all the love and caring we have been shown) — an opportunity to overcome adversity and grow as a person. I would have rather not overcome anything or grown than face the uncertain future I now face. But this post is not to lament my situation, it’s to wish, for both myself and everyone who reads this post, a happy and healthy New Year.