I’m Not Dead Yet (I.N.D.Y.)

As my friend and colleague, Diane, mentioned in the comments to last nights post: Pain is not good; unexplained pain is REALLY not good.  When I called today, I was told that the CT scan was consistent with the x-rays: the scan did not show any reason why I would be experiencing pain and discomfort.  The doctors are at a loss to explain what’s going on.

I guess, in the end, I am glad that the CT scan didn’t show anything.  I think I was experiencing a fair amount of stress, wondering whether the sudden onset of pain was associated with some unforseen complication with my surgery / cancer (e.g., an internal suture ripped or another tumor had developed).  The pain is still there and I am managing it (mostly) with the higher strength oxycodone.  I was able to upgrade my flight to San Juan tomorrow, so I’ll not be crammed in like a sardine (and, if I’m offered an adult beverage to help take my mind off the pain in my abdomen, who am I to say no?)

I cannot remember if I ever mentioned it previously, but early on in my journey, I took it upon myself to purchase purple wristbands that say “Hamburger Helpers.”  For those of you new to the blog, purple is the color for pancreas cancer and Marina, a friend from church, had attributed the moniker “Hamburger Helpers” to the group of people who had offered to provide support to me and my family.  Over time, I gave out these wristbands to folks who either in body or spirit were there for me, MaryBeth, and our kids, either to provide food, help around the house, services (e.g., mowing the lawn), and so on.

A friend once said to me (before I had decided to buy the wristbands as a gift of thanks to the people who have been so helpful) that she was “wristband-ed” out.  She went on to say that she was tired of all the different ‘bling’ (my word) representing a person’s support of one cause or another.  I get that.  I understand that while people appreciated getting a wristband from me, after a while, it losses it’s meaning / importance.  I get it so much that I continue to be appreciative when I run across a colleague or a friend who still wears theirs.    I was sitting in a branch meeting today and noticed several of my colleagues who are still wearing my wristband; that just made me feel good.  (And, BTW, I hold no ill will toward those folks who have stopped wearing my wristband — I know that whether they wear it or not, my friends, family, and colleagues continue to support me.)

I want to thank the folks who have already started sending me recipes.  While I couched the request in terms of my international visitors, I want to make sure that my domestic readers can also provide international recipes.  Perhaps your parents or grandparents passed on an old family recipe from the old country.  If so, please take a moment to write it down and send it to do@merlehamburger.net.

Finally, I want to remind you all that next weekend (not this Saturday, but the Saturday after) is the PANCAN Atlanta 5k PurpleStride run/walk.  I will be there early (like 6a) to help with the setup and I would like to invite any of you in the Atlanta area to come and help with the walk and participate.  You can find information about registration at the Atlanta Purple Stride website.  I already have several people who are coming to walk with Team INDY, but I hope you will consider coming out and walking with my family and me.

Tomorrow from Puerto Rico.

Merle

Tags: church, Family, Main, PanCan, Theology/Philosophy, Treatment by Merle
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The pain in my stomach continues to be uncomfortable, so much so that I have not been sleeping well.  As I mentioned yesterday, the pain has been similar to the discomfort I experienced just after my surgery.  As such, I’ve been taking two oxycode pills (5mg) every 4-6 hours.  My doctor’s appointment today was largely uneventful.  She checked me over and said that the pain does not appear to be associated with any problems with my liver or spleen nor was there an indication that my pain was associated with some kind of blockage in my GI system.  She ordered an x-ray and a CT scan to try and figure out what was causing the pain in my stomach.  The x-rays came back fine but we will have to wait until tomorrow to find out about the CT.

She wants to move me to a morphine based pain reliever, but she didn’t want to switch me prior to my trip to Puerto Rico.  That’s right, on Thursday I will be heading to San Juan.  For those of you who have been coming to my blog for a while, you’ll know that I was supposed to go to Budapest, Hungary this summer.  Unfortunately, my cancer diagnosis prevented me from going, so I made it clear to my doctor that I really (REALLY) wanted to go to PR.  (She cleared me to go to PR.)

One of the things she wanted to do was move me to a morphine based pain reliever which is long lasting, so I would only have to take pain pills twice a day.  She didn’t want to start me on a new drug when I was heading to PR.  Instead, she wrote me a prescription for stronger oxycodone.

So there you have it, the pain is still unexplained, but the doctor is not terribly worried at this point.  She’ll know more tomorrow, in the meantime, I’m packing my swimsuit and the suntan lotion.

Don’t forget to send me your international recipes for inclusion in my dutch oven cookbook.  More tomorrow.

Merle

Tags: Main, On my honor, I will try, Treatment, Work by Merle
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I first want to thank those of you who have expressed their concern about the pain in my abdomen.  I called the doctor yesterday and have an appointment for this afternoon.  The pain, when not controlled with pain medication, is pretty substantial — reminding me a lot of the discomfort I experienced right after my surgery.  I am again reminded just how often we use our abdomen muscles.  Lying down and moving around in bed is particularly painful (to the point that, in the middle of the evening, it woke me up and I had to take another round of pain meds).  I truly do not expect this to be anything major, but it’s interesting how quickly I can go from feeling complacent about my cancer to being mildly concerned about my illness.

As for my asking for help, I have a couple of requests.  First, as I have previously mentioned, I participated in the advanced boy scout leader training called Wood Badge.  Part of successfully finishing this training involves completing 5 activities that help me to develop personally as well as a scout leader.  Thankfully, I have completed 4 of these activities (presenting a workshop on dutch oven cooking to scouts; presenting a workshop on cancer to scouts; participating as a trainer in cub scout leader training; and participating as a trainer for boy scout leader training).

The last item I have to complete is an international recipe cookbook for dutch oven cooking.  Now, looking at the stats for my blog, I had visitors from over 50 countries in October, so I am turning to you, the readers of my blog, for help.  I am asking you folks to send me your favorite international recipes.  You see, I am a firm believer that anything you can cook in an oven at home, you can also cook it in a dutch oven, too.  I will modify the recipes so they can be cooked in a dutch oven.

So what I need from you all is (a) a list of ingrediants; (b) directions for cooking; (c) the country of origin for the recipe; and (d) how you would like your credit to read (I will credit all recipes to the people who submitted them).  If you can help, please send your recipes and information to do@merlehamburger.net.  Thank you for your help with this project.

The second thing I would ask for your help with is my continuing effort to raise funds for the Pancreas Cancer Action Network’s PurpleStride Atlanta 5k walk/run.  I have successfully raised over $1500.00, but I would like to hit $2000.  If you haven’t done so yet, please consider making a contribution via my personal PurpleStride webpage.

Thank you for your help.  I promise to post what I hear from the doctor later today.

Merle

Tags: Main, On my honor, I will try, PanCan by Merle
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My weekend at Scoutland actually went very well; I enjoyed working with the other boy scout leaders and assisting in their training.  It is true that last night it was a bit…um…nippy, but thank goodness I had a sleeping bag rated to at least 20 degrees.  The cooking demo went well; I made probably close to 15lbs of chicken chili (Fiesta Chicken with Black Beans) and all but a scoop or two was left.  The Strawberry Shortcake was also a big hit; the cornbread got a little over cooked.  (Unfortunately, I didn’t bring my camera with me and I do not believe anyone got pictures of the creations — you’ll just have to trust me when I say they were MARVELOUS.)  All in all, the weekend was a success.

On Friday, I started having a pain in my right, lower abdomen which I took to be a pulled muscle.  Against the recommendations of MaryBeth and various sundry friends, I did not call Dr. Kauh, as I did not want him to tell me I couldn’t go camping.  Perhaps not the smartest decision I made, but certainly an honest one.  Unfortunately, the pain has continued to increase and this evening, I ended up taking 2 oxycodones to try and stem the discomfort.  I will call Dr. Kauh tomorrow, but I will be sure to inform him that not going to San Juan, PR is NOT (repeat NOT) and option.  I’ll let you know what I find out tomorrow.

At training this past weekend, someone talked about the dash.  A person’s tombstone typically lists their year of birth and year of death; often listed in the following format: “1960-2009″.  The most important part of that presentation, though (as was discussed at training this weekend), is the dash.  The dash in that presentation represents the whole of a person’s life.  It is the dash that defines who we are; it’s the dash that’s important.

From a straight statistical point of view (and acknowledging that MY actual odds are zero and one), it is likely that my year of death may (will) likely be either 2009 or 2010 (as the majority of people who undergo a Whipple procedure have a relapse within 12-24 months).  Then again, it may not.  Either way, though, I am doing what I can to make sure that I do not forgo activities this year; this / these are not the years to put things off.  It’s all about the dash.

This year my family and I are traveling to NJ for Thanksgiving to spend the holiday with my family (Sid, my younger brother and his family, Marjie, my sister, and her family, Chip, my older brother, and Mom).  Because of his long-term involvement with the Macy’s Day parade, my brother has gotten me an invitation to participate in the parade.  Thus, on Thursday, November 27th, I will be a clown in the parade (for those of you who know me, probably not a huge leap for me).  In December, I am flying up to NJ (again) to be with the other side of my family for Hamburger Hannukah.  I don’t know what the future holds, but I don’t want to worry about what I should have done when I had the opportunity.

People like to talk about how none of us knows when we are going to die; they like to talk about anyone of us could step in front of a bus and be mowed down.  (Of course, my readily available witty quip is, “Great, now I have to worry about dying from cancer AND getting hit by a bus!”)  The difference, though, is the difference between possibly dying (by being hit by a bus) and probably dying (from a particularly pernicious form of cancer).  Whether I fall into the former or latter categories, is unknown, so in the meantime, I will focus on the dash; I want people to say (if the situation ever presents itself) that, “He led a good dash!”  It’s all about the dash.

Merle

Tags: Family, Main, Merle, On my honor, I will try, Theology/Philosophy, Treatment by Merle
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