I’m Not Dead Yet (I.N.D.Y.)

Hello folks.  I am doing better today after a 4 (or so) hour visit in the ER last night.  But first, some back story:

MaryBeth and I have been married more than 18 years.  For our 10th wedding anniversary, we decided to take a trip to Hawaii.  While we were on Oahu (for the last couple of days of the trip), visiting Seann (my best friend from college) and his family, I started to get a pain in my lower right abdomen.  I kept putting it off and off, but after about 2 or so days, I woke up with a fever and being somewhat disoriented.

We went to a ‘Doc in a Box’ (a walk in clinic) and the doctor there forwarded me to the hospital.  Turns out that I *HAD* waited too long and a localized infection (diverticulitis)  became a systemic infection.  After some preliminary tests, I was admitted to the hospital on Oahu and stayed there 3 nights.

Fast forward to yesterday, the pain in my lower right abdomen, which first started on Thursday as a relatively small ache / pain and continued to grow in intensity over Friday and Saturday, was similar enough to the pain I experienced in Hawaii that I decided NOT to wait until it became systemic.  Not  to mention that given the fact that my cell counts were low on Wednesday (my white blood cell count was 2 yesterday  — .7 lower than Wednesday– and my ANC was 1250 — down from 1840 on Wednesday).

Thus, at the urging of my wife and others (several from this blog — Thank you), I went to the hospital and they confirmed the presence of the diverticula.  They treated me with IV antibiotics, gave me scripts for some oral antibiotics and sent me on my way. 

Luckily we were able to keep Kevin distracted: Cat, in a feat of complete selflessness, took Kevin to see Beverly Hills Chihuahua.  What a loving Aunt! When they got home from the movie, they kept him occupied, so he did not even know that I was gone. Thank goodness; this weekend was supposed to be low stress for Kevin, so he could forget about all his worries.  It would not have done to have him worrying about me being in the hospital.

In the end, alls well that ends well (at least in regards to this saga).  Be well.

Merle

Tags: Family, Main, Merle, Treatment by Merle
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Hello from Indianapolis.  Despite statements to the contrary, at the last minute I packed a laptop so I could write for you, my adoring fans!   My son was extremely excited about coming to Indy.  While I was walking to our concourse, he was all but jogging.  I have not seen him walk that fast for that long before.  If nothing else, he got a bit of exercise (we left from D concourse…for those of you unfamiliar with the Atlanta airport, D concourse is about a mile from where you go through security).

We are now hanging out in Catherine and Stan’s (my in-laws) house and they (my son, Cat, and Stan) are rocking to Guitar Hero III.  Here is a picture of the rocking!  Apparently as an added bonus to coming and hanging out with Cat and Stan, my son has all weekend to play with their Wii.  As I told him, this weekend is all about him and he is welcomed to play the Wii as much as he would like.  He is happy.

I am doing okay, though I began yesterday having some mild pain in my lower right abdomen and it is getting more and more pervasive.  I think I might be having an episode of diverticulitis; hopefully my body will be able to fight it off, but if not, I’m sure there are reasonable hospitals in Indianapolis!    Whatever it is, I will not let it (as much as I am able) to keep it from interfering with my son’s weekend.

I must say that I would really like to have to deal with only 1 illness at a time.  I guess it’s better that it’s diverticulitis rather than an appendicitis.

More tomorrow.

Merle

Tags: Family, Main, Treatment by Merle
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Yesterday I was successful in having poison…I mean medicine, infused into my body.  As several people have commented, we all hope that this medicine, which will make me sick, is also helping to make me better.  Someone said to me that the fact that my blood counts were so low last week is a sign that the medicine is working.  Of course, my hope is that the medicine is working as well on the cancer cells as it seems to be doing on my blood cells.

By and large, I have felt okay today, largely because I have taken my anti-nausea medicine throughout the day.  Fatigue hit me full on this afternoon, however.  I got in bed at 3p and slept until almost 7p (again, I will remind you that I DO NOT nap). 

I was not particularly hungry this evening, but as I have mentioned previously, I have been cajoled for not eating.  I didn’t feel like anything heavy, so I had some lentil soup.  So far it seems to be sitting well.

Just as a warning, tomorrow evening I will be traveling with my younger son to Indianapolis (no fans with cameras at the airport, please).  As a result, I may not be able to blog until Monday night.  On the other hand, my in-laws have promised me that they do actually have the Internet in Indianapolis, so perhaps I *WILL* be able to blog.

Have a great weekend, you all!

Merle

Tags: Family, Main, Treatment by Merle
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I went to the hospital today and my numbers had improved dramatically:

• White Blood Count: 2.7 (still low-ish)
• Red Blood Count: 3.27 (still low-ish)
• Platelet Count: 251,000 (up from 38,000 — WOO HOO)
• ACN: 1836 (up from 392 — WOO HOO)

As a result, I received my weekly dose of Gemzar.  I’m feeling a little tired, but fine otherwise.  Of course, my first week on Gemzar it wasn’t until the next day that I started feeling yucky.  So we’ll see how I do tomorrow.  I am hoping that whatever effects from the chemo I experience, the effects dissipate before I travel with my younger son.  I really am hoping this weekend away will give my son the opportunity to forget all the responsibilities he’s taken on himself.  I want this weekend to be fun together time (with me and his aunt, uncle, and grandparents) and all about my younger son.  Here’s hoping.

Merle

Tags: Family, Main, Treatment by Merle
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Tomorrow I will find out how (if) my body rebounded after a week off of chemo.  As odd as it sounds, I sit here hoping that my blood levels have normalized.  Why is that odd?  Because the whole statement is actually: I hope my blood levels have normalized so the nurses can inject poison into my body.  Perhaps it’s just me, but that seems to be a very odd statement to make.

Of course, I can intellectualize the reasoning behind it: if I can take the chemo, then I have a better chance of beating this cancer.  The chemo is my best chance of killing whatever cancer cells are left in my body, but still…wishing to have poison infused into my body!?!?  Just odd!

Today I noticed (or thought) that it seems like more people are asking me how I am feeling.  I can honestly say that I feel fine (and not in the way they talk about in The Italian Job).  I haven’t taken an anti-nausea medication in almost a week.  I do not get as winded as I was getting last week.  I have an appetite.  I haven’t been as tired as I was last week.  I do not FEEL like I have cancer (whatever that feels like).  Thus, a week off of chemo did wonders for helping me feel normal.

I’ll have the new and improved numbers for you tomorrow.

Merle

Tags: Main, Theology/Philosophy, Treatment by Merle
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I am back and safe from the wild and wooly back country of Norcross, GA (which is a very suburban area north of Atlanta).  The camp ground our pack goes to is on the property of a Retreat center that has some very nice walking trails and a 10 site camp area.  Now before you wonder, I have only gone primitive camping once (primitive camping occurs either at a campground or some other area that has no electricity or running water).  My preferred method of camping involves a campground that has flush toilets and hot showers.  The campground at the retreat center falls into this latter category.

As I had mentioned previously, my friend (Luis) and I decided to go back to our old pack to take on a new den of boys.  (We have not been as actively involved with the pack since our sons had “crossed over” to the boy scouts.)  We are working with a group of 3 nine year old boys in an 18 month Webelos program.  While it seemed like a good idea to take on another group of cub scouts at the time, I must say that spending the weekend with an entire pack of 6-10 year old boys (probably 30-35 boys in all), put into question the logic of that decision.  I’m sure it will be okay, but there were certain parts of the weekend that were more “challenging” than others.

In the past, I have spent a great deal of time at these events (cub scout family camping) cooking meals in dutch ovens.  Thankfully, one of the other leaders took on the lion’s share of cooking.  I did, however, cook 4 different types of desserts in dutch ovens.   I made two cobblers (a peach and a cherry cobbler), a strawberry shortcake (my favorite), and a chocolate delight cake (lots of chocolate).  All the desserts were snarfed down to great celebration.  I’ll asked someone to get pictures of the desserts and if I get copies, I’ll post them.  I really do enjoy dutch oven cooking.

On the health front, I feel okay and have been less and less drained as the days go on (and I marveled this weekend when I realized I had not taken any of my anti-nausea medication for almost a week).  Last Thursday (at my cancer support group), I was chastised for not eating enough.  I certainly didn’t have a problem doing so this weekend.  I don’t know if it was comfort eating (something to help deal with strain of all those little kids running around) or actual hunger, I felt like I was stuffing my face all weekend.  I’m sore and tired today, but no moreso than when I have gone camping in the past.

At several points during the weekend I actively thought how nice it was to actually BE there.  There were some people who scoffed at my going camping (given the fact that I was immunosuppressed), beyond not staying cooped up in the house as an alternative, I enjoyed simply being Mr. Merle, the den leader and dessert cook extraordinaire, and not Merle the sick cancer patient.  It felt good; I felt “normal;”  and for brief pockets of time, I even forgot I had cancer.  The only reminders of my cancer were the need to continue to take my various medications (pancreatic enzymes, etc.) and the fact that as the days turned to night, my stomach would begin to hurt (but that’s when one simply takes their pain medication).

I hope I did not put anyone into shock not posting for several days.  Thank you for your indulgence! 

Merle

Tags: Family, Main, On my honor, I will try by Merle
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I just got back from the pancreatic cancer support group at Winship Cancer Institute.  There were fewer people there this time than the first time, but the conversation was still helpful.  While I can appreciate people reaching out to me with stories of their brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, parents, etc. who have had and survived (or not) cancer, in all but a very few cases, the loved one who had some form of cancer other than pancreatic cancer.

Now I understand WHY people do this.  I understand that they tell me about their father’s toe cancer because it allows them to have a connection to what I am going through.  I understand that it gives people a frame of reference through which we (they and I) can have a discussion.  I understand why people do this; but…pancreas cancer is different from lung cancer; is different from breast cancer; from colon cancer.  So I appreciate being able to sit in a room with a group of people who have experienced (or are currently experiencing) the same issues that I will be going through.

In the group, there are two people (one of whom is also named Merle) who have lived in excess of 5 years after their diagnosis.  They give me hope.  Then there is Whitney who had a Whipple, has also survived beyond 5 years, but who also had a really difficult time after her surgery (REALLY difficult).  Then there are other people like Cindy who had her Whipple surgery a couple of months before me.  So along with Whitney and the others, Cindy and I can share our experiences with chemotherapy.   It was comforting to hear Cindy say, for example, that she also was sent home this past week for having blood work that was too low.

I appreciate people who share their stories, but the best stories are the ones that are most relevant to my current situation.

Merle

Tags: Main, PanCan, Theology/Philosophy by Merle
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Imagine if you will a room full of people waiting to go back to the chemo bay for their daily / weekly / monthly chemotherapy treatment.  A nurse comes out and gets everyone to stand and says, “Everyone here for their chemotherapy take one step forward….NOT SO FAST MR. HAMBURGER!”

I went to the hospital today ready to get my 3rd week of treatment and instead I found out that my bloodwork was not going to cooperate!  So let’s get to the numbers.  First, my weight came up a bit (I gained back 4 of the pounds I lost).  That’s the good news.  The less than desirable, but not wholly unexpected news, is that my red and white blood cell and my platelet counts were low:

• White Blood Cell: 0.7 (Critical)
• Red Blood Cell: 3.05 (Low)
• Platelet count: 38,000 (Low)

What do these numbers mean and what do these cells do?  White blood cells, also known as leukocytes, are the cells that make up the immune system.  This number should be between 3.6 and 11.1; 0.7, not so much!  My white blood cell count is multiplied by something called my Preliminary Neutrophil percentage to determine my absolute neutrophil count, which is a measure of my bodies ability to fight off infection.  The ANC in a healthy adult should be above 1800 or so; though, my doctors said they would not be terribly concerned if it were at least 1000.  My ANC is 392; thus, I am currently considered immunosuppressed.  As a result, I need to be careful to minimize my exposure to folks who are sniffing / sneezing / or might otherwise be sick.  It also means that for the immediate future I actually have to <gasp> wash my hands. 

The main job of someone’s red blood cells is to carry oxygen to the various parts of the body.   The normal range for red blood cell count is 4.27 to 5.49.  What does this mean for me?  It means my blood is less effective in carrying oxygen and, thus, I’ll be more fatigued and might get light headed more easily.  (Here, I thought I was just being a wimp when I had trouble climbing the 10 flights of stairs at the office today.)

One’s platelets, also known as thrombocytes, are involved with the bodies ability to form clots.  Normal platelet counts are between 150,000 and 400,000.  Besides preventing me from getting chemotherapy (I have to have a platelet count of at least 100,000), a low platelet count means that I have an increased prevalence for bruising and, if I get cut, my body may have trouble forming clots.  The nurse today told me I should not let myself get cut; something I assured her I try to avoid normally (regardless of my ability to form clots).

None of this is unexpected.  I would have preferred to have put it off for a month or three, but here we are.  I want to avoid wearing a mask for as long as possible, but please be compassionate if you see me with one.  In the end, I will work from home the next couple of days while my body recovers and rebuilds my blood cell and platelet counts.  However, I still have permission to go camping this weekend with the cub scouts, but (as mentioned previously) I should avoid cutting myself or bumping into things (two of my FAVORITE camping activities, along with hatchet throwing and drinking unfiltered water). 

At the moment, I just need to be vigilant to my own health.  This too shall pass.

Cheers,

Merle

Tags: Main, On my honor, I will try, Treatment by Merle
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