Inner strength
I have had a series of discussions with folks recently that grew out of some of my more recent posts. People call me an inspiration because of that with which I am dealing. However, as one friend pointed out, people are not so much saying that they think I am “super-human” but rather saying that they admire me for dealing with a situation with which they, themselves, are not sure they would be able to deal.
The reality is that people, in general, are resilient and can adapt to a variety of adverse conditions. I am not special for dealing with my cancer, I was faced with a crisis and I adjusted and adapted to it. Yes, attitude is an important part of dealing with and beating this illness, and anyone who knows me, knows I have quite a bit of attitude.
People ask me how I’m doing and I respond that “I’m six feet over!” People tell me they are glad to see me and I repond that “It’s good to be seen.” In a division wide meeting last week, a new staff member was introduced and it was reported that she was ABD (which means all but dissertation). Rodney Hammond, my division director, decided to make a joke and said, “You know what ABD stands for? All but dead.” I immediately responded (from the back of the room) so everyone could hear, “I’m not dead yet.” In that, I accomplished something many people have been unable to do: I rendered Rodney speechless.
All of this to say that I have attitude; and I am working very hard to keep that attitude positive. I told someone (actually several someone’s) this past weekend, that I am Type A enough that not knowing whether the cancer will or will not come back is killing me (pun intended). As Amy mentioned in a comment to a recent post, it’s okay to be normal, though; to not spend so much time worrying about the future. So that’s my goal for the time being.
Everyone has been telling me how good I look; we’ll see if that remains true after Wednesday. I am approaching my chemo treatments much like I did with the radiation before the surgery: I have a fixed number of treatments I need to have (about 18 treatments, based on the 3 or, 1 off schedule for 6 months). I have had 3 treatments, so that leaves 15 left. (I’m not sure if that’s how it will end up working out, but until I hear otherwise, that’s how I’m thinking of things.) Thus, getting my treatment on Wednesday just means that I have one less treatment with which to deal.
Here’s to one less treatment.
Merle
I think you and I are of similar minds, Merle. I think I’d be doing a lot of the same things you are doing. Reaching out, educating yourself. Self-depricating humor. I’m surprised how many people don’t think they’d rise to the occasion. Sure, there are those who manage to make themselves the victim without warrant, or those who need everything to remain status quo to keep their sanity. But I think they might be surprised by their own “strength”, don’t you?
I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow…
Hello Hamburgers. I just wanted to let you know I think of you often. Our battle ended yesterday morning, when Kevin went to be with his Lord and Savior while at Johns Hopkins. Thinking of you all and praying for good outcomes!
Brenda Boitson