Inner strength
I have had a series of discussions with folks recently that grew out of some of my more recent posts. People call me an inspiration because of that with which I am dealing. However, as one friend pointed out, people are not so much saying that they think I am “super-human” but rather saying that they admire me for dealing with a situation with which they, themselves, are not sure they would be able to deal.
The reality is that people, in general, are resilient and can adapt to a variety of adverse conditions. I am not special for dealing with my cancer, I was faced with a crisis and I adjusted and adapted to it. Yes, attitude is an important part of dealing with and beating this illness, and anyone who knows me, knows I have quite a bit of attitude.
People ask me how I’m doing and I respond that “I’m six feet over!” People tell me they are glad to see me and I repond that “It’s good to be seen.” In a division wide meeting last week, a new staff member was introduced and it was reported that she was ABD (which means all but dissertation). Rodney Hammond, my division director, decided to make a joke and said, “You know what ABD stands for? All but dead.” I immediately responded (from the back of the room) so everyone could hear, “I’m not dead yet.” In that, I accomplished something many people have been unable to do: I rendered Rodney speechless.
All of this to say that I have attitude; and I am working very hard to keep that attitude positive. I told someone (actually several someone’s) this past weekend, that I am Type A enough that not knowing whether the cancer will or will not come back is killing me (pun intended). As Amy mentioned in a comment to a recent post, it’s okay to be normal, though; to not spend so much time worrying about the future. So that’s my goal for the time being.
Everyone has been telling me how good I look; we’ll see if that remains true after Wednesday. I am approaching my chemo treatments much like I did with the radiation before the surgery: I have a fixed number of treatments I need to have (about 18 treatments, based on the 3 or, 1 off schedule for 6 months). I have had 3 treatments, so that leaves 15 left. (I’m not sure if that’s how it will end up working out, but until I hear otherwise, that’s how I’m thinking of things.) Thus, getting my treatment on Wednesday just means that I have one less treatment with which to deal.
Here’s to one less treatment.
Merle