Details
Well, today was a day of dealing with details, some of which were morbid in a sense. CDC does not have a short-term disability program. Instead, once an employee has used up all of his or her accrued leave (annual leave — which is like vacation days; sick leave; credit time, etc.), the employee can participate in a Leave Donation program. The idea behind this program is that other CDC employees with extra hours of annual leave can donate some of those hours to a person in the Leave Donation program. Part of today was spent getting the necessary documents and paperwork together so that I would be enrolled into the Leave Donation program.
You see, I have enough leave to get me through to 2p, next Friday (8/15). While my branch has approved my request for receiving advance sick leave, I accrue sick leave at the rate of 4 hours every two weeks. I will likely need at least 240 hours of extra leave…if all that leave is advanced sick leave, then I would spend the next 2.5 years “repaying” that advanced sick leave. Oy! Luckily, I have been at CDC for 10 years, and I have gotten to know many people (several of whom have indicated that they will donate annual leave). I am being uncharacteristically optimistic that people will follow through and help me out by donating time (stated a different way, “I’m trying not to stress too much about relying on the generosity of others to keep my paycheck coming while I’m recovering from surgery!”)
The morbid part of this post is that I spent this evening creating a Last Will and Testament and a Living Will (with a health care power of attorney) for the events of next week. When MaryBeth and I were married (18 years ago), we had wills drawn up; however, our situations have changed dramatically, so it was time to update the documents. I’ve heard a lot of hoop-la about LegalZoom.com and, being a slave to good marketing, we used the website to create wills and living wills for both MaryBeth and me; I’ll let you know if reality lives up to the hype when I get my documents. I can say this: the process of answering the questions for these documents was pretty straight forward and quite painless. To be clear, I do not expect that either of these documents will be used in the near future, but it would be irresponsible of me as a parent and spouse not to have taken the steps necessary to protect my family.
I think the gravity of the events of next week are starting to hit me. In a phone conversation with my brother, Sid, I found myself getting choked up as he told me how he was planning on coming down to be with me next week as I prepare for and undergo my surgery. Moreover, I sent some Emails to my grantees today letting them know that I will be out of the office for up to 6 weeks starting next week. As I wrote the Emails, I became quite emotional and teary-eyed (much like I did when I was first diagnosed). Indeed, in one of the Emails I sent, I had told my grantee how much I had enjoyed knowing and working with them. The grantee wrote me back and said they were not going to respond to that part of the Email because it seemed too much like a “Goodbye.”
I am not consciously saying “goodbye” to anyone; again, I am expecting to fully recover from the surgery next week. There is a part of me, however, that wants to make sure that those people who have meant a lot to me professionally and personally know how much they are appreciated. I think, in general, we (as in the collective “we”) take for granted that there will be time before we pass to bring closure to the relationships we have. While I am often a procrastinator, this is something I’d rather not procrastinate about. I want to actively let people know how much I care and how much they mean to me; I’m just sorry it took getting pancreas cancer to motivate me to do so.
I’m Not Dead Yet, nor do I plan to be any time soon!
Merle
Merle,
I am sure you will do great with your surgery. Our family is rooting for you.
Mr. H – I don’t see it as morbid to live your life so you will have few (or no) regrets. I did the same things (reworking my will, updating my living will and power of attorney, making sure my close friends and family knew my wishes, and that I love them) before my hip replacement surgery a couple of months ago. I did not have any expectation, other than all would go beautifully – and it did! – but one of the wonderful things about growing older is, hopefully, growing wiser, and not procrastinating is part of that. Relationships are vital life forces and for me, there have never been closures, even for those who have gone on ahead of me – they have simply changed – but they do that continuously anyway.
Patrick and I will be sending those great vibes, and although you don’t buy into the power of imagery, it wouldn’t hurt if we all did some for you – it’s just like prayer, but with more details. We simply picture you cancer-free, in vibrant health, and stronger than before all this, in whatever environment we are familiar with. So for us, you are teaching at AK, joking with the kids and their big people, playing with the little ones, etc. We’ll miss you and look forward to your speedy recovery and return home!
May His peace be with you always in all ways – Lindy
BaBaBooey! BaBaBooey! Gary does a great website plug
Merle: I ran into your posting while doing a lit search for a friend who may have to have a Whipple procedure. I worked in the Cancer Division at CDC for 5 years and at the Atlanta VA Medical Center for 30 years before that. Just retired from CDC earlier this year. I think you’re doing all the “right” things to get prepared for a surgery. All that you’re doing to prepare is smart for all of us to get addressed….it’s just that often we put such things off. I say: continue to move positively forward, as you are… expecting a good outcome and staying focused on being positive and strong. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers. With best regards, Linda