Cognitive Dissonance
In his Last Lecture, Randy Pausch says that having pancreas cancer is one of the great examples of cognitive dissonance. It occurred to me, however, that people might not quite understand what cognitive dissonance was. If you do, bear with me. Cognitive dissonance is a theory of human motivation (typically associated with Leon Festinger) that asserts that it is psychologically uncomfortable to have cognitions (e.g., beliefs, attitudes, behaviors, etc.) that are inconsistent with one another. Further, because dissonance is uncomfortable, people are motivated to change their beliefs, attitudes, or behaviors.
For example, people might experience cognitive dissonance if they value living a healthy life, but smoke cigarettes. Now, people who smoke know smoking is a bad for them. Some are motivated to rationalize their behavior by telling themselves that smoking helps keep them keep their weight down. By so rationalizing, people who smoke are able to reduce their dissonance.
So I am finally understanding what Dr. Pausch was saying. I have a very serious form of cancer that is potential deadly. Yet, I feel fine (‘peppy’ even); I don’t ‘FEEL’ like I have cancer. One colleague today told me I was amazing having ‘weathered’ my treatments as well as I have. I certainly do recognize how lucky I have been. I don’t know if I am amazing, but I’m certainly Not Dead Yet! 
On the other hand, I have found toward the end of these last 5 1/2 weeks that it has become increasingly easy to forget that I have cancer. That may seem odd, but the last 5 1/2 weeks have shown me that I can get used to almost anything. Going to the hospital every day to have the radiation has become routine; seeing the doctors just a formality. Right now, the thing I’m looking forward to the most (besides being “permanently” disconnected from my chemo pump) is being able to exercise again. I am looking forward to being just Merle for a couple of weeks.