Happy Father’s Day
Today is Father’s Day. So first and foremost: Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there. When I last spoke with him, my father’s health was improving slowly as he recovers from his lung cancer surgery. Currently, he only has some difficulty breathing when he is out and about (at which point he supplements the amount of oxygen he’s getting via a portable oxygen tank). As he and I seemed to be having a ‘competition’ of illness (he’s had bladder and lung cancer recently; I had an emergency gall bladder episode, followed by 5 stenting procedures, and finished with pancreas cancer), I now feel compelled to be competitive in regards to recovery. He is doing well and I can only hope to do as well.
Yesterday, I enjoyed the day with my daughter as she put on a fashion show of unimaginable quantities (I did not realize she had all those clothes). Every time I turned around, she was in another outfit, including a Superman outfit, complete with a cape that allowed her to fly *Shwoosh* (Apparently, you cannot fly without the cape and only if you make that noise! Who knew?) Today, however, my daughter climbed into bed with me, put her head on my chest and, in a very small voice said, “Daddy, I don’t want you to die.” That is how my day began. Through the fog of sleep, I tried to explain that everyone eventually will die, but that I didn’t plan on dying for a very long time. I’m not sure where the question came from, but it serves as a reminder that kids are (often) more aware of things than we adults realize.
As I have mentioned elsewhere in this blog, I am trying to stay very present as I deal with my cancer. Today, I took my daughter to see “Kung Fu Panda.” In the movie, Oogway, the wise old turtle master (how odd is it to write that sentence) says, “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.” That is certainly a useful way to think about life. I still am working on “not sweating the little things” (we won’t mention my little blow-up at Abbie when, while at the movie, she was playing around with the soda, tripped and fell, and spilled 32oz of soda all over herself). I got angry; we left; I cooled off quickly; and we made up over Bruster’s ice cream! 
I once got a fortune cookie with the following quote, which I have come to understand is attributable to Ghandi: “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever!” (although, on my fortune, the word ‘Learn’ was replaced with ‘Dream’). Regardless, it is a wonderful reminder of how we all need to be living our lives more fully every day. I hope that as I deal with my current chemo/radiation therapies and whatever comes after, that my kids get from their father, what Clarence Budington Kelland got from his:
“My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.”
Again, Happy Father’s Day!
Merle
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