Half Way There
Today is a momentous occasion. Okay, perhaps not THAT momentous, but it IS a milestone. Today was my 14th radiation treatment, marking the midpoint of my treatment cycle. At the risk of jinxing myself, I have been kicking this cancer’s butt! I have been getting tired more easily this week than in previous weeks (I came home SPECIFICALLY to take a nap — and I don’t take naps)! Actually, as my wife reminded me, it’s going to get worse before it gets better, but I should be happy that fatigue (and some mild nausea) is all I’m dealing with at this point in time.
For those of you who haven’t seen me recently, this is a picture taken today by a fellow photographer. Early on in my treatment, one of my radiologists told me that I cannot control much with regards to this disease, but I can control whether or not I have hair. As a result, I have shaved my head. Of course, at this point, none of my other hair is falling out, so perhaps I will not lose any other hair, but I continue to shave my head everyday in defiance of this cancer.
On Sunday, I talked about how my 4-year old daughter made me sad when she told me she didn’t want me to die. (I was not sad that she didn’t want me to die, but rather I was sad that it was a possibility about which she was aware). However, most of the time, my daughter does nothing so much as put a smile on my face. Routinely, when I come home from work, my daughter runs out of the house to tell me how excited she is to see me. Other days, I get home when my wife and kids are still out. When this happens, my daughter’s first activity is to come find me and tell me how much she missed me. I recall my younger son going through much the same at this age, but he was less….active about it (although, like my daughter, my younger son was a big proponent of identification through impact). Tonight, I just enjoyed walking with my daughter, hand in hand, and it is moments like that I will continue to hold onto as my battle against this cancer gets more difficult!
Merle
ps — It’s been amusing to get comments from various folks, both on the blog and via Email, that have told me that they had engaged in a version of the ‘violating social norms’ activity I described yesterday. Those social psychologists…we’re a sneaky bunch. (I won’t even mention the participant observer activity in a men’s bathroom that some social psychologist did — not me — that was one of the studies that led to the creation of Institutional Review Boards).
What beautiful blue eyes! Your fellow Photographer captures you perfectly. Keep living and laughing, you offer your friends so much that you do not even realize.
Hey Merle,
Happy Friday! Congratulations on reaching the mid-way point! It is a milestone worthy of celebration. I want to encourage you that even IF/when the journey becomes more difficult, cling to the mindset that this too shall pass. Try not to dwell on the ‘it’s only going to get worse before it gets better’ mindset. For you, it may not get worse. You are a unique individual and therefore you may not respond the way everyone else responds to your treatment.
By the way, I love the bald look! It’s so in I hear now! ha ha! I saw a t-shirt at Cafe Press (website) that said “Hair by Chemo”! How funny is that?! I thought it was great. Anyway, the bald look is very becoming in you!
Have a wonderful weekend!!
Rhonda
MERLE,
I WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT I HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING YOUR BLOG ON A DAILY BASIS SINCE I FOUND OUT THAT YOU WERE ILL. I MUST SAY THAT I APPLAUD YOUR STRENGTH AND YOUR VIGOR IN BEATING THIS. I WAS LOOKING AT A OLD HIGH SCHOOL YEAR BOOK THE OTHER NIGHT AND YOUR PICTURE WAS EVERYWHERE. IT JUST MADE ME THINK OF THE OLD SAYING THAT BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE, AND THAT ALL ELSE MATTERS NOT IF YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR HEALTH AND FAMILY. ONCE AGAIN I HAVE NO DOUBT THAT YOU WILL BE VICTORIOUS IN YOUR DAILY STRUGGLE, REMEMBER JUST TO NEVER GIVE UP IF NOT FOR YOURSELF FOR CHILDREN AND FAMILY.
BY THE WAY YOU LOOK GREAT AND REMEMBER BALD IS BEAUTIFUL
I SHOULD KNOW.
JIM