I’m Not Dead Yet (I.N.D.Y.)

Hello all.  First, I have to apologize for not updating what happened during my radiation ‘simulation.’  The purpose of this simulation was to get a accurate, detailed scan of my tumor and to place marks on my body so I can be positioned in the same exact position for each radiation treatment.  For whatever reason, I was expecting…more.  They put me into the CT scanner, ran several passes, and then pulled me out to place marks on my body.  Now I was not sure what I was expecting…some kind of long term, but temporary tattoo perhaps, but instead, the technician pulled out a sharpie and proceeded to trace plus-signs and lines (projected onto my body via lasers in the ceiling and walls).  As I said, I just expected something more than what my 4-year old daughter does to me with some regularity (drawing on me with sharpies).

At my younger son’s school, the 5th graders parade through the school to applause from students in the lower grades.  Yesterday evening, I found out that some scout leaders and I were recruited to help lead the parade.  Well, the leaders and I got together and spent MINUTES upon MINUTES to plan out what we would do with the 5th graders.  My friend Luis did not want to just walk through the halls, so he thought we should teach the students some cheers.  Well the best laid plans fell apart as we began to walk through the school.  But in the end, the kindergarten through fourth grade students clapped and cheered the 5th graders (with and without a cheer), and after 20 minutes, my son and I were back home relaxing.

Thus, today was a good day; the night…well, my sons and I had a difference of opinion regarding appropriate night time behaviors.  They’re in bed and I’m doing work on my online stats course.

After a string of what I think were pretty reasonable blogs, I find myself at a loss for something of substance today.  Thus, I will leave you with this quote from Dorothy Thompson about courage:

Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding; and that there is always tomorrow.

Merle

Tags: Family, Main, Treatment by Merle
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Support has been streaming in for me from all different areas, but I was admittedly surprised when Marina sent me the first list of wacko sociopaths volunteers to help my family and me in the coming days and months.  Fully 66% of the names were colleagues of mine from work.  I am truly touched by their generosity.  One of my colleagues told me yesterday that one message he has taken away from reading my blog is the importance of going home and holding his children; reveling in their existence.  Looking back (and knowing what I know now), I would like to think I might have made different choices about what was and was not important in my life. 

Each of my children went to the same pre-school and each, when they were 4-years-old had a special day called, “Dad’s and Doughnuts.”  When my older son went through, I forgot about the special day (because I had something important to do at work), and I was traveling when my daughter’s class had theirs.   I did, however, make it to the pre-school for my younger son’s special day and I did take my daughter out for our own private Dad’s and Doughnuts when I got back from my trip. 

I do not mean to imply that I am a bad father for having missed these events; I actually think (despite a sometimes too short temper with my boys as they grow older and more independent) that I’m a good, loving husband and father.  I’m just reassessing my priorities as I move into this new phase of my life.

I will leave you with a quote (emphases added by me) sent to me by a new friend; someone I first met at Wood Badge training and who reached out to me during both weekends to offer support and compassion to someone he did not know:

“To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intellingent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one’s self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived – this is to have succeeded.”

–  Ralph Waldo Emerson

More later…

Merle

Tags: Family, Main, On my honor, I will try, Theology/Philosophy, Work by Merle
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